I try to live my life with no regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and to live a life with regrets is unhealthy. But there is one thing I wish I HAD done.
July 15, 2006 I went up to a hospital in Pismo, Ca to visit my cousin who had been in a tragic accident. My best friend and I had the opportunity to go into the ICU and talk to my cousin. Then came time for us to leave, I had to play music the next day in Petaluma with the Portuguese Band of San Jose. Three of us walked into the room to say goodnight, my friend Paul, my best friend Mike, and me. We sat for a few minutes and talked to him, and gave him some water through a sponge. He joked, and laughed, always trying to make us feel better, never caring about how badly he felt. He lay there the definition of brave and Self-less.
He looked in my direction and asked, "you going home tonight Primo?" I answered, "Yea, I gotta play music tomorrow."
The words that came out of his mouth next, are words I cling to on days when I miss him more than usual. I cling to these words every time I get that painful sensation in my heart for not having stayed by his side. He said, "Thank you for coming Primo. I love you." I told him I loved him too, said goodnight and we walked back through the double doors to give the rest of the family a chance to come in and say goodnight.
I wish I HAD stayed. I know there was nothing I could have done that would change the horrible outcome. But I know my cousin Kevin would have been at my side day and night if it were me in that bed.
I will always regret walking away from that bed, from that hospital, on that day.
Kevin James Caetano is up in heaven looking down on us all. Protecting us from all the injustices and harms we encounter in this life. Every night before I fall asleep, I talk to him, and I apologize for not staying by his side.
RIP Kevin, you are truly loved and dearly missed.
Check in tomorrow for day 10 of the challenge with its prompt "Your views on Drugs and Alcohol."