Unanswerable Questions

Negativity is a hell of a phenomenon. When we allow this source of purely satanic richness (dramatic much) into our lives, we are doomed to over thinking, and feeling the harsh effects that it brings.

I like to think of myself as a pretty confident and positive person. I don't let stupid shit get me down, I am the kind of person to push forward and get over things. Hurdles (metaphorically of course, I couldn't jump over a hurdle if my life depended on it) are easily overcome in the life that I live.

But, every now and again, this shitty, out of the norm feeling of sadness and regret wash over my body and mind, and I can not seem to shake it.

I woke up today, feeling different… Well let me not get ahead of myself.

2012, has been a very bittersweet year for me. I have never felt healthier, more energetic, more accomplished in my whole 27 years of life. I feel like I have truly been on the right path as of late.

I got my gastric bypass surgery and since then, on a personal level, only good things have come my way.

Bitter, because while I feel the most amazing I’ve felt in years, some members of my family are having issues with their health. But I digress.

I have been feeling amazing, great friends, great family, meeting new people, started a great job that I truly feel proud and completely one thousand percent happy with.

I fell asleep last night, and I was happy.

I woke up this morning, and I feel like my life has flipped 180 degrees.

Have you ever felt sad for no apparent reason?
Ever felt like your living a mistake?
Like every “right” decision you’ve made in your life is wrong?
Like suddenly, you’re filled with a weight and burden of a thousand regrets?

No? Well congratulations, I envy you!

For those of us who have felt this: Where the hell does it come from?
Can anyone tell me? Does anyone know?

Ten minutes ago, I was contemplating exactly where and why this feeling rears its ugly fucking head every once in a while.

While I don't have an answer, I do have an inkling, or at the very least a hypothesis as to where and why.
Where:
Perhaps this is just a gut check. Perhaps we must feel this negative shitty, over-bearing, mind numbing, sickening feeling so that we could enjoy the happy ones.

Perhaps it comes just when our happiness is peaking, and therefore instead of a steady and slow agonizing decline, we just drop back down to Earth, and start our trek up hill again.

Perhaps, this is God’s little dry sarcastic humor. Perhaps he enjoys seeing us contemplate such thoughts, and come up with stupid idiotic answers to questions we’ll never truly know the right answers to.

And you know what, perhaps it is better that we don't know. Perhaps it’s better that we only get the chance to know what sadness feels like, so that we could thrive for happiness. Maybe, just maybe feeling this sadness, is our golden ticket to happiness. We might not get the happy-ever after the fat kid from Willy Wonk got, but we will possibly get our own version of the happy-ever-after.

Awww, doesn't that sound magical? Doesn't that just lift you all up into heights only felt by sheer pure moments of absolute bliss?

No? Yeah well, that kind of happiness is over-rated, and entirely too hard to duplicate. So be happy, with just being happy. And be happy, that you know the difference between happy and sad. Some people only experience sadness in their lives, so they don’t even know what they’re missing out on.

WHY:

Why must we feel this unsettling sadness, this unexplained enigma? This shitty Mcshitterson feeling that consumes our mind.

***On a quick side note, shitty Mcshitterson, possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever said, or written in my whole life, it’s only staying in so my friends could make fun.***

Why can’t we just be happy? Why must we be burdened with the sadness bug every once in a while?

I have absolutely no answer for this. I have no clue why we can’t just be annoyingly happy all the fucking time. Especially when things are going well for us.

In retrospect, I have nothing to complain about.

I’m alive. I’m not starving (obviously), I’m surrounded by great family, and great friends.

Life thus far has been super kind to me.

So why do I feel this way?

I hate questions that are unanswerable.

So, if you’ve read this gigantic pile of sentences that have led to absolutely no conclusion, or answer. I’m sorry for wasting your time, but if you feel like you have an answer, or at the very least a hypothesis, share it with me. I’d love to hear different opinions.

Enlightened Life

First let me apologize to my loyal readers for not posting as often as I use to. Your emails have been heard, and I'm pretty sure I've responded to everyone. Thanks for the kind words.

With that in mind, let me begin my new post.

Today I am going to write about something that is very close to my heart. As humans we have this universal weakness that things, in particular, bad things will never happen to us. We hear about bad things happening all over the world every day. We read about it in Newspapers, and we genuinely sympathize for those victimized by tragedy, but still ignorantly we whole heartedly believe that it will not, and could not ever happen to us.

A few months ago, my family and I naively thought the same thing. We believed that all those bad things would somehow magically skip over us and all the people we love. Then the bad finally knocked on our door, my aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer. Our hearts immediately dropped, as we scrambled to find the strength to take this tragedy head on.

Since her diagnosis, thanks to God, and all our family and friends prayer, she has been going through treatment and doing very well. But it left me very pensive about life.

This life we live, is so very precious and fragile. We take every breath of fresh air that enters our lungs for granted. This has given me more perception of the phrase, "live life to its fullest."

Every day really is a gift we receive, and we should take that gift and do something extraordinaire with it every single day. Because from one second to the next we could lose it all.

I feel blessed that we found the cancer early enough for it to be treated. I thank God every chance I get for all the wonderful progress he has allowed my aunt to go through.

Her strength, enthusiasm, and will has not only inspired me and my family, it has given me something to look up to.

Every time I see her smile, every time I watch her fight to walk around, and to get better, a little bit of my soul is empowered.

I know in my heart that together our family and my aunt will over power this cancer.

We have all gained enlightenment from this tragedy though. We have all realized that family comes first. We have learned to live each day as if it were our last.

Life throws us curve balls sometimes, but I am happy that our family has been able to knock those curve balls out of the park.

As the holidays approach, and you begin to spend time with your family, take a minute to look around you, and thank God that you are all able to spend this very important time together. Take the time to tell them how much you care and how much you love them.

Because when tragedy knocks on your door, it will be those times, and those words that lift you up from the mud, and motivate you to fight for just one more gathering.