For the past 8 years July is a very somber month for me. I walk around dragging my feet, and questioning why you’re not here with us. Questioning how different life is now, than it was when you were here. It’s hard to believe that 8 years have come and gone. The empty void in our hearts is still fresh, the hurt, the sadness still as strong as ever. Everyday I look up to the sky, and smile knowing you’re watching over us.
Last night before I went to sleep, I prayed and spoke to you, as I do every night. In that very one-sided conversation, I asked you to give me a sign that you’re happy up there, that everything is okay with you. I said, any little thing will do Kev, I want to know that you’re happy.
As I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep, I began to dream. With all the memories of you in my brain, I dreamt that you were back. In this dream, God had given you 24 hours to come back and do whatever you wanted. The goose bumps are running wild through my body as I write this because the dream felt so real. I opened my front door, and there you were. Tears immediately ran down my face and I hugged you tightly, and didn't want to let go. We spoke, I drove you home to see your parents and Kris and Nic. We drove to Makadoo’s house, and you congratulated them on their pregnancy. The dream was so uplifting, because you looked more than happy, you looked like everything in your afterlife was amazing. You told me that there are no tears, no frowns, no anger, no frustration, no negativity in heaven. You told me that every day, is complete bliss.
I woke this morning, and my pillow was soaked with the real tears that left my eyes as I dreamt. And as I stared up at the ceiling, smiling to myself for the unbelievable sign you sent me, I cried some more. These tears were different, they weren’t sad, they weren’t trying to fill the empty void. They were happy tears. These tears flowed like rivers down my face, because I saw you, I spoke to you, and you’re more than okay.
You said two things to me that stuck, and I will never forget.
“Primo, you need to be happy, you need to stop worrying. Life is short, and you only get one.”
“The beer in heaven is always cold, and your cup is always full. You take a sip and the cup never empty’s. I cant wait till all you guys are up here were gonna rage.”
The first quote was spoken in the beginning of the dream after I finally stopped hugging you and let you into my house. Your blue eyes looking straight into mine you demanded I be happy, and take advantage of the life I have been given. I intend to take your advice primo.
The second quote was spoken in makadoo’s garage. The people present were, Mike, Jeca, Roger, Paul, Cesar, Eric, Little Kevin, Tiago, John Star, Jason, J.P, Brian Flores, Mike Sali, Steve Lourenco, Danny Furtado, and Mike Moules. We all sat there cherishing this time with you, and you looked at us all, that familiar goofy smile on your face, and you told us about the endless amount of beer that we could have in heaven. Looking around that group of people, it made me realize how many people we all have in our lives that truly care, and would truly be there for us in a second. I feel blessed to know that those people listed and many more are big parts of my life.
Just before you left the garage, you hugged us all, told us to live our lives. You hugged Jeca, and kissed her baby bump, and then looked at me and makadoo and told us to make sure little makadoo knows who uncle Kevin is. I promise to tell him or her all about you.
8 years without you, but seeing your face in that dream, and talking to you was amazing. I know it’s just a dream, and I know that it wasn't real. But to me, it was the sign I asked you for. It makes me so happy to know you’re doing well up there.
Rest in Paradise Kevin, and come visit me in my dreams more often. I love you!