You Don't Have To Find Out You're Dying, To Start Living -Zach Sobiech

I watched this youtube video today that really affected me. I think the one thing the whole world could agree on collectively regardless of political or religious views, is that Cancer is a horrible illness.

Personally, I know far too many good people who have passed on because of this monster.

Cancer does not discriminate based on gender, or ethnicity, or race, or age. It affects the young, the middle aged, and the old. It comes into a person’s life and immediately dominates it.

Even those who go into remission are affected for the rest of their lives. They change their perspectives, because Cancer forced them to go through what no person should ever have to.

I watched this video about a 17-year-old boy named Zach. He was diagnosed with a very rare terminal cancer. He was given months to live. But man, did this kid live…

His attitude, outlook, and inspirational life style touched millions of people. Upon watching this video and reading about this kid, I instantly became inspired. The video above brought me to tears several times. It did so because it made me remember some of those in my life who lost their battle with cancer, and also those who are winning.

The tears flowed freely from my eyes because we preach about how short life is; about how we should live life to the fullest. We preach, and waste many breaths speaking these words, but how many of us truly live life to the fullest?

We work far too much, Stress about insignificant things, we fight, and bad mouth the people in our lives, we hold grudges, we say things we don't mean, and hold things we mean inside. We go to sleep angry, and wake up full of regret.

But why do we live this way?

Why don’t we focus our energy on things that make us happy?

This life is far too short to worry about what other people think; Far too short to live to others standards.

As I watched this video, I instantly saw how full of life this kid was. Zach didn't sit around throwing himself pity parties; he didn't use his illness to gain sympathy. He wanted to be treated the same as before he was diagnosed. He looked on the bright side of things. Found the good in every situation.

He says something in the documentary not sure if this is a direct quote or if I’m paraphrasing, but it goes something like this, “You don't have to be dying, to start living.”

This quote jumped out at me, because I agree with it whole-heartedly.

I know some of the cynics are thinking, we begin to die the second we are born; All the more reason to start living.

This blog didn't say much. It had lots of words, but there was no main point. It merely served as a reminder that life is short.

We cant keep saying “I’ll do it tomorrow,” because tomorrow might not get here.

I always say quality of life over quantity. Some of the people I’ve lost truly screamed that definition; QUALITY over QUANTITY.

I also decided to put up this music video that was made for Zach, that the producer of the documentary had arranged; Lots of celebrities giving their time to bring a smile to his face.

If you are able to donate a little something to his foundation for cancer research please do so.

I wasn't able to donate much, but I hope by spreading this message they get something. Our dollars could save a lot of lives in the future.

Zach Sobiech passed away on May 20^th, 2013. May he Rest in Peace. May the legacy he left behind continue to shine.

This world is getting progressively worse

It saddens me to realize how messed up this world really is.

Yesterday in Boston, the world witnessed yet another senseless attack on innocent people.

No matter what reaction our Government deems appropriate, no matter what form of justice is brought to these disgusting excuses for human beings, it will not be enough.

It will never be enough for the families directly affected by this bombing.

How can something like this happen? How can we allow such attacks to be carried out successfully?

The sad part is here in America, we feel safe. We find comfort in knowing we have freedoms, and rights.

What rights did 8-year-old Martin Richards have? His life taken away from him before he could even begin to understand how to live it.

What freedoms will exonerate the pain and sadness embedded in his family’s hearts?

As I spoke to a client’s grandmother today about this, I saw the tears well up in her eyes and her face was flushed with red, as she told me how sick this act made her.

Something she told me, really stuck. She said that people her age, from her generation are terrified of living in today’s world.

She said that she doesn’t know how we do it. How we could live in this world as carefree and fearless as we do.

It got me thinking about my generation, and the things we’ve seen.

When we talk about our grandparents and great grandparents, we always talk about what they have seen in their 80 or 90 years of life. We marvel at the idea of watching the automobile, the t.v. and some other inventions come to fruition. We talk about Pearl Harbor, World War II, Vietnam, Korea, the Cold War etc. etc.

Wow we exclaim to ourselves, they’ve witnessed so much in their lifetime.

Well looking back at my 28 years of life, I realize that I’ve witnessed some crazy things too.

I’ve watched terrorist attack after terrorist attack; both domestic and international.

School shootings, Bombings, Sept. 11, theater shootings, and now marathon bombings. These are but a tiny sample of what my generation has seen.

Watching that grandma wipe her tears, and utter disgust for these animalistic pieces of shit who put us through this yet again.

I realized that, slowly, we are becoming desensitized to these tragic events. Slowly but surely they are affecting us less and less. Maybe we don't realize just the change in our perception, but it’s changing.

It saddens me to think of what my children, and their children and so on will be desensitized to.

This world is getting progressively worse. We hold the power to stop it. But it’s going to take more than a Democrat, or a Republican. More than an American. It’s going to take a world effort. Everyone of the billions and billions of people to stand up and say this is enough!

Keep your personal beliefs about religion where it belongs. There is no need to push your beliefs on others, and put down other peoples beliefs.

If you hate Democrats, or Republicans… Great! You have every right to your opinion, but there is no need to publicly put the other down. This world is great enough and big enough for us all.

Do you hate the western lifestyle? Then I guess you’ll be spending your time in the East.

Do you hate homosexual marriage? Then please for the love of God, don't marry anyone of the same gender as you, but allow those who differ in opinions to do so.

Do you hate your life? That’s your prerogative, ruin your own life, and leave the lives of others the hell alone!

Life could be so simple, if we allowed it to be.

Wars, and power, and greed… Is as Senseless as these attacks.

They don't belong here, they shouldn't be allowed access into our lives.

I look at this world, and I shutter to think how worse it will become in the future.

“Be the change you want to see in the world” –Mahatma Gandhi

Unfortunately, this quote can be swayed either way. Those who attack innocent lives feel like they are being the change they want to see in the world, and those who dedicate their lives to good feel the same.

Goes to show how gray the world really is. So for those of you living in the Black or the White.

Join us in the Gray area, and I promise you that your life will immediately become happier, fuller, and have greater meaning.

If we all do this, then perhaps we could turn this downward spiral our world is going through, and make it good again.

Let’s not always reminisce about the good old days, when life was better. Let’s instead look forward to the future, and warm our hearts knowing our children, and their children will truly have it better. 

Live Fast and Die Young! Happy Birthday Primo!

This time a year always has me walking around with a heavy heart. I find myself wondering how different life would be today if you were still here. I find myself imagining how different our lives would be without this pain filled memory of losing you. I go back and forth in my mind picturing our lives. Because I know that life with you in it was a happier, and more satisfying one.

The thing about life is that we learn from tragedies. We gain insight into the meaning of life with the passing of our loved ones. I find myself thinking about all that we’ve learned and gained at the expense of losing you.

We learned that life is not fair. It doesn't even try to be fair.

We learned that tragedy, and pain bring people closer together, and also break people apart.

We learned that losing someone as amazing as you totally turns our outlook on life upside down.

We learned that life is short, and that we should take it by the throat.

We gained a guardian angel.

We gained the peace of mind that you are sitting atop the world waiting for us to come home.

The point I’m making is, it’s not enough Kevin.

What we’ve learned, and what we’ve gained isn’t enough to counter the sense of emptiness we feel without you here.

As this rush of emotion takes over my mind, I think of this quote:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die." -Thomas Campbell

When I first saw this quote, I immediately thought of you. Because it rings true in every single aspect.

Although you are not physically with us Kevin, and believe me when I say I am not the only one who wishes that you still were, your spirit, and your memory, and the lessons you taught us all keep you alive in our minds and in our hearts.

Every day we think of you more than once. I can not speak for everyone, but I think of you often throughout my day. Sometimes it’s just a little joke, or inside saying we had, and I chuckle to myself and continue my day.

Sometimes I see a Silverado, and immediately you come to my mind.

Sometimes it’s a song I hear, and memories, and emotions come rushing in.

Other times you just pop into my head as if to remind me that you’re up there watching.

A thousand words won't bring you back, I know because I've tried; neither will a thousand tears, I know because I've cried.

But I find myself crying less, not because the pain isn’t fresh inside my heart. Not because I don't miss you more than I could ever express in words. Not because I don’t wish you were here with us every single day.

I don't cry as much, because I know you’d hate it. I know it would bother you to know that I cry because of you.

That is one thing we talked about at your house during your rosary and funeral. When we stayed there from morning and through the night. We talked about how mad you’d be knowing we cried because of you.

You brought happiness wherever you went Kevin. You could brighten a room in a second.

Sometimes nothing I say to myself, stops the tears from forming, and running down my face.

But I have come to an understanding with myself. I don’t want to get punched in the face when I get up to heaven, because I cried so much. I know you’ll be waiting for me, and I want to make you proud. I want you to hug me, and tell me I lived a great life, and I did things right. Maybe not crying is just a tiny thing, in the big picture of life, but for me, it’s a huge detail. It’s one thing I can do for you, that I know you’ll appreciate.

I’m going to end this blog with another quote and an explanation, because this quote helps me keep my tears at bay.

"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day.

Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear." -Unknown

You live in us forever Kevin. 50 years from now, we will all still remember April 7^th as Kevin James Birthday, and July 17^th as the tragic day we lost you. That will never change, we will never forget!

This little message, this little bit of reassurance that I find in this quote, allows me to be strong knowing you’re in my heart Kev.

Knowing that for as long as there is oxygen in my lungs, and my heart is beating you have a permanent resting place within me. Not just within me, within every single person you’ve touched. Family, Friends, and even just Admirers. You left your mark on this world primo, and not many people can truly say the mark they left was a great one.

You are truly one of the greatest people I had the pleasure of knowing. Your 22 years of life, left a lasting impression on the Earth.

The great die young primo, but you will live forever in our memories, and in our hearts.

I love you primo!

Please continue to watch over us all. Not just the good, but the bad. Not just the right, but the wrong. You had the propensity to not judge people based on their mistakes. I try everyday to be a little bit like you in that aspect.

I know that you are the kind of soul, to not hold grudges, and not hate anyone.

That’s what made you so special Kevin. I hope you enjoyed your birthday up there. I’m sure you spent some time with Tio Trajano, my avo velinha, Tia Luzia, your grandparents Tio Mario, and Tia Alzira. And I’m sure you went out and partied a little bit afterwards with Jeff.

I’m sure you guys had a blast.

I miss you and love you primo. Until we meet again, keep shining your light on us.

Straight Men for Gay Rights Part 2

You know, this equal rights issue has really started to get on my nerves!

This should not even be an issue. It’s so logical anyone with a pulse should be able to understand it.

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY THE PERSON THEY LOVE!

Period.

End of story.

The problem in this country is that for some unknown reason everyone wants to dictate how others should live their lives.

If you have Facebook, and most of the world does at this point, you have read endless posts about why people should have the right to marry their loves. You have also read the stupidity of those who think Homosexual marriage is a sin, or an outrage, or whatever other bullshit excuses people are giving. Here’s my answer to some of those stupid idiots who feel that marriage should not be enjoyed equally across the board.

Excuse number 1 People are using, “Marriage is a sacred bond between man and woman, allowing homosexuals to marry within their gender would destroy that purity.”

Give me a fucking break! Honestly, marriage in this country is a joke! It pains me to say this, since I am a believer in true love, and consider myself a hopeless romantic.

But when you look at marriage in this country over 50% end in divorce.

When we see every single day of our lives politicians lie about the skeletons in their closets.

Or our athletes, you know our children’s role models cheat and divorce, and make up for it with big diamond rings…

Give me a break people! Marriage in the United States of America has lost its purity, and sacredness way before homosexuality.

So stop blaming your failures on certain members of our society. We are all to blame for the loss of the purity in marriage.

Excuse number 2, “The bible says… BLAH BLAH BLAH”

The Bible says a lot of things; it is a very thick book with very small print!

I have mentioned this in a prior posting about gay marriage, years ago when prop 8 first got passed.

But I find it so hypocritical of the Catholic church to come out so vehemently against gay marriage, when a large percentage of their priests commit not just homosexual acts, but with children…

This is not a shot at the Church, I am a proud member of the Catholic Church, I have been my whole life, but I find it hypocritical to teach forgiveness, and acceptance, and then to picket and protest the equality of love. Who are you to questions someone’s love, and commitment?

It is NOT a sin to be gay!  Let me just be clear and repeat it again, IT IS NOT A SIN TO BE GAY!

But, even if it was a sin. Even if being gay was a sin, we are taught in church, through the bible mind you, that God will FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN. So even by your small thinking mentality, if you truly feel that being gay is a sin, then do as Jesus would, and Forgive!

Excuse number 3… (This one really really pisses me off) “GOD HATES HOMO’s”

I’ve seen sign, and sign of people stating that God Hates this, and God hates that…

God does not lack the compassion to even entertain the emotion of hate. If you truly believe that God is capable of hating anything or anyone you have serious issues within.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins… remember?

He did not hate those who crucified him, he did not hold a grudge… He forgave them, and accepted that this was their decision.

Much like you all must accept that some people are gay, and some are straight. This miniscule detail does not make them good or bad, wrong or right. It makes them Unique, and HUMAN! Just like the rest of us!

There are lots of other excuses people are citing as debate topics for why Gay Marriage should not be legalized.

These three are one’s I’ve come across over and over, and over again.

I will leave you with my two cents on the issue.

Gay Marriage, should not even be a term used. Marriage is Marriage. Be it man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman. If the love is there, the commitment, the dedication, and the trust, then it should be deemed worthy of marriage.

People are associating the gay rights movement with the civil rights movement.

I would like to think that America could look back at their short history, and realize that Gay or Straight we are all EQUAL! Everyone deserves to be happy.

This should not be an issue at the Supreme Court, this should just be a GIVEN!

Love is Love, regardless of the gender associated with it.

To all my Gay friends and family. I support you! I love you! And I truly hope America takes their heads out of their asses and realize that you have been shunned, and bullied enough.

That you have taken the endless ridicule of this nation, and done so in stride.

I hope OUR (not your, because straight or gay intelligent people are all on the same side) fight for EQUALITY is a successful one!

And to those who are opposed:

Live your life to the best of your ability, and allow others to do the same. Because when you stop focusing on yourself, and start focusing on others, that's when your life begins to spiral downwards.

And I'd hate for the blame of your failing lives, to be loaded onto the shoulders of the  Gay Community too.

If sadness never reared it's ugly head, we wouldn't appreciate the beauty of happiness

(Thanks Helena)

I haven’t written a blog in a long while, and decided to start writing more, so here goes.

Today I am going to write about negative trials and tribulations in our lives.

Why do bad things happen to us? Why are we forced to endure the suffering of the daily grind, or heart wrenching tragedy in our lives? Why is it important for us to face these shitty situations?

I have very little to complain about, and let’s face it most of you reading this blog are on the same boat as I am.

I have a great life, with endless support of family and friends. I wake up every morning (thus far) and am thankful for everything I have in this life. But still, as human beings, we wonder why we have to suffer, or endure sadness, depression, pain, etc. etc.

It’s quite simple, If we didn't know what it felt like to be sad, we would never truly appreciate feeling happy.

Think about it, all of our obstacles push us towards something. We are who we are today because of hiccups, and failures that we’ve faced to get here.

Everything that has happened to us, good and bad, had to happen exactly the way it did, for us to be here today.

If we hadn’t fallen off our bikes as kids as we flirted with the idea of no training wheels, than we would never know the immense feeling of accomplishment when we finally venture off down the street without falling.

Personally, I have witnessed this in my life very recently.

I work in a very challenging field. As a behavioral therapist for children with Autism, ADHD, Asperger’s, Down Syndrome etcetera, I find myself seeing the most rewarding amazing looks in family’s eyes when their child accomplishes something I take for granted.

Recently, the company I worked for, in an act of stupidity, and jealousy, decided to fire me.

To say I was devastated is an understatement. In this field, we wear our hearts on our sleeves. I was very much attached to every single one of my clients, and emotionally invested in their program and success.

To be ripped out of their lives in the manner in which my “Situation” was handled left me empty, extremely sad, and highly disappointed.

It hurt to know these children would not be given an explanation as to why their friend, Mr. Nelson, would no longer be seeing them on a daily basis.

Writing this now, still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I found my closure and reason why things like this happen.

As I wrote every parent a goodbye email thanking them for allowing me into their homes, and access to their children, I began to question why these things happen to good people. (I like to consider myself a good person, call me biased)

The replies I received from every single parent, lifted me up higher than I could imagine.

A resounding WTF was the common conclusion. Well they called in to my employer demanding an explanation.

But also included in the email replies, that they wanted me to continue seeing their children, that the job I was doing was above their every expectation, and that they would be willing to pay me whatever my private rate was to continue my therapy.

A few days later I received a call from my ex-employer telling me to, “Pretend this never happened, and return to my old schedule.”

As I politely declined the offer, everything came into focus. I was not meant to stay with this company. This company did not have their clients best interest at heart. They allowed their egos, and their jealousy, and their incompetence to slither to the front lines.

As I applied to other companies in the same field, and interviewed with them, I became determined to find a company I could trust, a company that had the children’s best interest at heart.

Luckily, I found just the place. I am in the process of accepting their offer as we speak.

The point here is not that I got another job, and that my former employer was stupid for letting me go.

The point is, that we must fail sometimes, to truly appreciate and understand our success.

For me, being fired, and finding another “home” in my career served as an eye opening experience.

We must never become comfortable, or complacent in our lives. Be it in terms of our careers, our relationships, or our friendships.

We must continue to be active participants in the dance we call life.

So my new outlook on life is rather simple.

Bring on the sadness, and the failures, and whatever other stormy forecasts, because I know that when, not if, I get through them, not only will I be stronger, but I will also have just that much more understanding of why things happen the way they do.

Life is unpredictable, when we try to plan out every single aspect, we usually end up falling. But if we stop and appreciate our lives. If we embrace the good the bad and the ugly, then falling wont be so bad, because the best part of life isn’t sitting atop the mountain enjoying the view, it’s the struggle and fight to get up there.

December 14, 2012

As of now I’m sure you have all heard of the tragedy that occurred in Newton, Connecticut this morning.

As I scrolled through my news feed on Facebook all day I saw an outpouring of prayers and sympathy for this heinous disgusting, and down right unbearable act.

I also saw a hand full of people who chose to instead preach their politics, preach whether gun control is necessary or not.

It irks me beyond belief that we as humans, not even Americans, humans can not put our personal agendas aside and grieve collectively for the taking of 20 innocent children’s lives.

I pray that those little Angels are accepted graciously in heaven, and that they look over their loved one’s as they attempt to move forward.

Parents are not supposed to bury their children.

Far too many have been forced to plan their sweet children’s funerals, and it isn’t fair.

As with every other tragic shooting in this country, our media once again have dollar signs in their eyes.


This horrible incident, like Columbine, and Virginia Tech, will be plastered on every news outlet, with so-called “experts” weighing on reasons, inspirations and assumptions they will never know for certain.

This sick twisted monster, who committed these brutal murders, is loving this attention.

He is looking up at our society, with a sadistic smile on his face, because he gets his 15 minutes of fame

This American culture sickens me sometimes. We chase money, even at the cost of innocent lives.

Ratings rule over humanity.

Some other sick fuck, might be sitting at home, feeling neglected or searching for extra attention, and he may take it upon himself to follow in the footsteps of America’s new villain.

Because just as they say in advertisement. Bad publicity is still publicity.

Another possibility is that this man was mentally ill. I mean, obviously something was wrong upstairs for him to carry this out. But what if he truly needed help?

What if he tried to get counseling, or even medication to repress those twisted thoughts? Like a friend of mine stated in her status, Mental Health, is one of the most difficult things to get our beloved insurance companies to approve.

What if he made an honest effort to get the fix he needed, an was just brushed aside like so many others in our society that desperately need help.

Don't get me wrong, whether or not he needed help is meaningless, what he carried out was atrocious, and sickening, but perhaps this could have been avoided.

Perhaps those 20 little babies could have been given their chance to live. Their opportunity to reach for their dreams, to accomplish their goals.

To walk across the stage for their high school graduation, to look into the crowd and see tears of joy in their parents eyes, instead of the tears they see today. The desperate, heart wrenching, agonizing tears that are flowing from their parents eyes tonight.

Allow me to end this blog, with a request.

Leave your personal agenda behind.
Pray to God, Allah, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, or whoever else you pray to.

And ensure these children know that they will be missed, that they mattered. That their slaughtering served some purpose in this world.

And to those of you that have children.

Hug them extra tight tonight, kiss their foreheads one or two extra times and thank god that every single one of the hairs on their heads is safe tonight.

Life is short for the young and for the old alike.

Reach out to your loved ones, and to those with which you are holding grudges, because once they are gone, you’ll always wish you had said something, anything.

We are given a gift every single morning we are allowed to open our eyes, and take a deep breath.

Don't waste the time you are given, at the very least make sure the people you love, know you love them.

May all the victims of this tragic loss Rest in Peace.

R.I.P. Kevin James Caetano!

Six years ago today I got the phone call that shattered my heart. My cousin (more like a brother) Kevin had taken his final trip up to heaven. There aren't enough tears in the whole world that would do this loss justice. He was the bravest, most compassionately caring, teddy bear like person to ever cross through my life. He was strong beyond belief, and when he spoke, people listened. One to wear his emotions on his sleeves, you knew if he was happy, by the sound of his contagious laugh, if he was angry by the roar in his throat, or sad by the heart breaking shrill in his cry. On days like today, I close my eyes, and try to picture life if Kevin had stayed. Things would be very different. Life would be less bitter. Sometimes I still want to pick up the phone and call him, to hang out. Sometimes I look at his pictures just to smile to myself, about the thousand and thousands of stories and memories I have in my memory bank with him in it. July 17th will always be a sad day for me. I know that 70 years from now, when I'm old and gray (If I get there) I will still feel this void in my life, this loss, this indescribable pain that Kevin's departure left. Kevin, I talk to you every night before I go to sleep, it helps calm me down, and makes smile knowing you're up there listening, and watching. I love you, and I miss you more than I could ever explain. I hope you're looking down on us all, and that you realize just how much of a positive impact you had on all of our lives. And when it's my time to go, you better be waiting for me at the gate, with a shot of So-Co, and Budweiser! Love You Primo! Rest in Paradise!