I try to live my life with no regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and to live a life with regrets is unhealthy. But there is one thing I wish I HAD done.
July 15, 2006 I went up to a hospital in Pismo, Ca to visit my cousin who had been in a tragic accident. My best friend and I had the opportunity to go into the ICU and talk to my cousin. Then came time for us to leave, I had to play music the next day in Petaluma with the Portuguese Band of San Jose. Three of us walked into the room to say goodnight, my friend Paul, my best friend Mike, and me. We sat for a few minutes and talked to him, and gave him some water through a sponge. He joked, and laughed, always trying to make us feel better, never caring about how badly he felt. He lay there the definition of brave and Self-less.
He looked in my direction and asked, "you going home tonight Primo?" I answered, "Yea, I gotta play music tomorrow."
The words that came out of his mouth next, are words I cling to on days when I miss him more than usual. I cling to these words every time I get that painful sensation in my heart for not having stayed by his side. He said, "Thank you for coming Primo. I love you." I told him I loved him too, said goodnight and we walked back through the double doors to give the rest of the family a chance to come in and say goodnight.
I wish I HAD stayed. I know there was nothing I could have done that would change the horrible outcome. But I know my cousin Kevin would have been at my side day and night if it were me in that bed.
I will always regret walking away from that bed, from that hospital, on that day.
Kevin James Caetano is up in heaven looking down on us all. Protecting us from all the injustices and harms we encounter in this life. Every night before I fall asleep, I talk to him, and I apologize for not staying by his side.
RIP Kevin, you are truly loved and dearly missed.
Check in tomorrow for day 10 of the challenge with its prompt "Your views on Drugs and Alcohol."
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-8 Something you're currently worrying about.
I am constantly worrying about something. Not that I'm a worry freak or anything, but people come to me with their problems a lot (and I love being there for them) and so this causes me to worry.
As of today, I'm worried about a whole bunch of issues, but I'm going to focus on one. That one is my upcoming gastric by pass surgery.
This worries me because, I like to prepare myself for things by thinking of worse case scenarios. I figure if I expect the worst, if it actually happens then it won't be a surprise to me. In this situation though worst case scenario is scaring the shit out of me.
All in all, I know that this surgery is something I have to do, and it will help me reach a healthy weight. And all this worrying (hopefully) will be all for nothing.
Check in tomorrow for Day 9 of the Challenge with its prompt, "Something you wish you HAD done"
As of today, I'm worried about a whole bunch of issues, but I'm going to focus on one. That one is my upcoming gastric by pass surgery.
This worries me because, I like to prepare myself for things by thinking of worse case scenarios. I figure if I expect the worst, if it actually happens then it won't be a surprise to me. In this situation though worst case scenario is scaring the shit out of me.
All in all, I know that this surgery is something I have to do, and it will help me reach a healthy weight. And all this worrying (hopefully) will be all for nothing.
Check in tomorrow for Day 9 of the Challenge with its prompt, "Something you wish you HAD done"
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-7 Your opinion on cheating on people
Today's prompt is one that really resonates with me. My opinion on cheating in general is something that I find relates to morals, values, ethics, loyalty, honesty and so many other aspects of life.
Here's what I think about cheating:
I think that first and foremost cheating is completely and utterly unacceptable. There is never ever ever ever (get the point?) a reason for someone to cheat. I feel that if you don't want to be with someone, if you don't care about the person enough to monogamous than you shouldn't be with them, or with anyone really.
I am of the opinion that if a person cheats once, they will always cheat. I know this a bit ridiculous, because we all want to believe that there is that special person out there that rids us of all our flaws and bad qualities, but in reality that special person cant change us. We are who we are, we make our decisions based on our philosophies, and our morals and our values, it's a cop out to blame cheating on someone on the "fact" that were just not into our significant other, or it was JUST a lapse in judgment, or "I was super drunk," or any other ridiculous bull shit excuse. People cheat because they are insecure, selfish and most of all dishonest.
Our society puts so much emphasis on "second chances," and it becomes an enabler to cheaters. People want to believe that after they catch their boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband cheating on them, that it'll stop. But it doesn't. Giving that second chance only solidifies their motive to cheat. They think,"They forgave me then, they'll always forgive me." And sadly it's true.
Cheating is one of the lowest forms of malice in a relationship.
Even worse, and this is always the case, when someone is cheating they become this jealous insecure hypocrite. They begin suspecting the other person of cheating. I always find it so depressingly amusing, like watching a train wreck, its gruesome and sad, but you can't stop staring. When people who are cheating, and obviously so, begin accusing their significant other of cheating. All the while portraying themselves as victims. And whats even more depressing is the other person who is truly being cheated on, feels like they must defend and prove themselves. They feel like they are doing something wrong, something that is pushing their partners to cheat.
No one is ever forced to cheat. It is a conscious decision people make. They know it's wrong. They know its hurtful. They just don't give a shit.
So to all you cheaters out there... FUCK YOU! I hope you all get caught, and suffer the consequences that cheating brings.
Check in tomorrow for Day 8 of the Challenge with its prompt, "Something you're currently worrying about."
Here's what I think about cheating:
I think that first and foremost cheating is completely and utterly unacceptable. There is never ever ever ever (get the point?) a reason for someone to cheat. I feel that if you don't want to be with someone, if you don't care about the person enough to monogamous than you shouldn't be with them, or with anyone really.
I am of the opinion that if a person cheats once, they will always cheat. I know this a bit ridiculous, because we all want to believe that there is that special person out there that rids us of all our flaws and bad qualities, but in reality that special person cant change us. We are who we are, we make our decisions based on our philosophies, and our morals and our values, it's a cop out to blame cheating on someone on the "fact" that were just not into our significant other, or it was JUST a lapse in judgment, or "I was super drunk," or any other ridiculous bull shit excuse. People cheat because they are insecure, selfish and most of all dishonest.
Our society puts so much emphasis on "second chances," and it becomes an enabler to cheaters. People want to believe that after they catch their boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband cheating on them, that it'll stop. But it doesn't. Giving that second chance only solidifies their motive to cheat. They think,"They forgave me then, they'll always forgive me." And sadly it's true.
Cheating is one of the lowest forms of malice in a relationship.
Even worse, and this is always the case, when someone is cheating they become this jealous insecure hypocrite. They begin suspecting the other person of cheating. I always find it so depressingly amusing, like watching a train wreck, its gruesome and sad, but you can't stop staring. When people who are cheating, and obviously so, begin accusing their significant other of cheating. All the while portraying themselves as victims. And whats even more depressing is the other person who is truly being cheated on, feels like they must defend and prove themselves. They feel like they are doing something wrong, something that is pushing their partners to cheat.
No one is ever forced to cheat. It is a conscious decision people make. They know it's wrong. They know its hurtful. They just don't give a shit.
So to all you cheaters out there... FUCK YOU! I hope you all get caught, and suffer the consequences that cheating brings.
Check in tomorrow for Day 8 of the Challenge with its prompt, "Something you're currently worrying about."
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-6 The person you like and why you like them
The person I chose to write about knows who she is. She is someone who has the power to make me smile and happy and in the same breath frown and angry. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny, opinionated, ambitious, strong, and many more wonderful adjectives.
I like her because, I know that she will always be there for me. Know that I can count on her to put a smile on my face no matter how crazy my day goes. She makes me want to be better. I look into her eyes, and I know she belongs in my life, even if it's just as a friend she belongs here.
She's amazing, and someone that I can see myself with for a very long time.
Sometimes we fight, and argue. Sometimes it gets real ugly. But we always seem to find resolution, and I think that is a very important quality to have. We don't just sweep things under the rug, we talk it out, we fight it out, but it gets Resolved.
The person I like is very special to me. I hope I show her just how special she truly is.
So, Josephine Rebecca Jerviss, you are the person I like, and all of the above is just a tiny scratch on the surface as to why I like you.
Check in tomorrow for Day 7 of the Challenge with its prompt-- "Your opinion on cheating on people."
I like her because, I know that she will always be there for me. Know that I can count on her to put a smile on my face no matter how crazy my day goes. She makes me want to be better. I look into her eyes, and I know she belongs in my life, even if it's just as a friend she belongs here.
She's amazing, and someone that I can see myself with for a very long time.
Sometimes we fight, and argue. Sometimes it gets real ugly. But we always seem to find resolution, and I think that is a very important quality to have. We don't just sweep things under the rug, we talk it out, we fight it out, but it gets Resolved.
The person I like is very special to me. I hope I show her just how special she truly is.
So, Josephine Rebecca Jerviss, you are the person I like, and all of the above is just a tiny scratch on the surface as to why I like you.
Check in tomorrow for Day 7 of the Challenge with its prompt-- "Your opinion on cheating on people."
Monday, August 1, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-5 Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex.
Five things that irritate me about the opposite sex:
Double Standards
I know, I know double standards are usually complained about from the other side. Women complain about double standards, and I don't blame them, because double standards suck! What irritates me about double standards in relation to women is:
They complain about double standards, but when they commit them it just gets swept under the rug. I believe in equality, and if I can not use double standards on you, then you shouldn't be able to use them on me. I don't mean for anything too big either. I'm talking about little things like, what I can and cannot bring up in an argument, or I can't throw something in her face in a discussion, but she could say the most hurtful things that come to mind during an argument, and throw everything including the kitchen sink in my face during a discussion.
Nope! I definitely hate Double standards.
Crying
This is a big one for me. It breaks my heart to see a woman cry. I hate it. And whenever I see a woman cry, especially someone I love, I can't help but drop everything and comfort them and try and make them feel better, it's who i am.
What irritates me about women crying is:
When they use it to take advantage of situations. Be it during a heated discussion, an argument or just to get their way. I can not stand it when a woman brings out the water works to end an argument or get her way. It bothers me beyond belief. Because it doesn't help resolve the situation, it merely once again, sweeps the issues under the rug, and eventually that rug will need to be cleaned.
Selfishness
This is a no brainer right? No one likes selfishness. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex, and relationships.
If she can not keep from thinking solely of herself, than she doesn't belong in a relationship. I think it's one of the hardest things to deal with when you're in a relationship. Knowing that your significant other is selfishly only thinking of herself and no one else.
So don't be Selfish :)
Stubbornness
Who am I to say anything about stubbornness right? I am one of the most stubborn people I know. But I try my best to push down that stubbornness and swallow my pride. I do think effort is important.
Heres what irritates me about stubbornness in women:
When I'm in a relationship, be it romantic or just friendship, I tend to swallow my pride often for the well being of the relationship. This doesn't mean I forget about it completely, I just swallow my pride, and then when we're both calmer I bring it up again and we continue our discussion. What bothers me is, in my experience, when a woman is stubborn she doesn't work on it.
She never ever swallows her pride, and doesn't even acknowledge that you've swallowed yours. She only has her eye on one thing, thats her thoughts, her dispositions, her outlook. She wants things her way, or no way. The worst is when a woman takes her stubbornness and adds in crying, and selfishness. That's when things really get fun. But like I said, EFFORT is very important. And if a woman actually tries to "fix" this issue, I commend her for it, and appreciate her for it.
Ignorance
Finally ignorance irritates me. I don't mean stupid people (although stupid people do annoy the shit out of me) I mean women who make themselves blind to certain things.
Ignorance irritates me and this is why:
A woman holds all power in a relationship. This is just a fact fellas, as much as we hate to admit it, facts are facts. The ignorance I'm talking about is when a woman forfeits that power, and makes herself blind to things.
Whether those things are that her boyfriend is cheating on her, treating her badly, or just a shitty person. Then when people approach her to say something, she denies it vehemently, and worse yet turns her wrath to those trying to help her. All the while ignorantly, protecting the scumbag that is her boyfriend. I've seen this happen countless times, to good people, and it irritates me to no end.
Here's a news flash ladies, If someone goes out of their way to tell you that your boyfriend is cheating on you, or what not. Take a step back, and realize that that person isn't just trying to bring drama into their lives. They didn't just wake up and say, "hmm my life is drama-free I know I'll ruin so n so's relationship today."
Accept that they are a good friend, and make sure your boyfriend is held responsible for his actions. Investigate at the very least. For God's Sake. You look so fucking stupid when you brush off countless informed messages on what your boy friend is doing behind your back, stay with him, and lose good friends in the process.
Don't be ignorant!
So these are five things that irritate me about the opposite sex. Mostly I think that all five count easily be avoided and worked on. I know that I've fallen for girls with some or even all five of these attributes.
I guess I like a challenge. :-)
Check in tomorrow for Day-6 of the challenge with its prompt-- "The person you like and why you like them."
Double Standards
I know, I know double standards are usually complained about from the other side. Women complain about double standards, and I don't blame them, because double standards suck! What irritates me about double standards in relation to women is:
They complain about double standards, but when they commit them it just gets swept under the rug. I believe in equality, and if I can not use double standards on you, then you shouldn't be able to use them on me. I don't mean for anything too big either. I'm talking about little things like, what I can and cannot bring up in an argument, or I can't throw something in her face in a discussion, but she could say the most hurtful things that come to mind during an argument, and throw everything including the kitchen sink in my face during a discussion.
Nope! I definitely hate Double standards.
Crying
This is a big one for me. It breaks my heart to see a woman cry. I hate it. And whenever I see a woman cry, especially someone I love, I can't help but drop everything and comfort them and try and make them feel better, it's who i am.
What irritates me about women crying is:
When they use it to take advantage of situations. Be it during a heated discussion, an argument or just to get their way. I can not stand it when a woman brings out the water works to end an argument or get her way. It bothers me beyond belief. Because it doesn't help resolve the situation, it merely once again, sweeps the issues under the rug, and eventually that rug will need to be cleaned.
Selfishness
This is a no brainer right? No one likes selfishness. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex, and relationships.
If she can not keep from thinking solely of herself, than she doesn't belong in a relationship. I think it's one of the hardest things to deal with when you're in a relationship. Knowing that your significant other is selfishly only thinking of herself and no one else.
So don't be Selfish :)
Stubbornness
Who am I to say anything about stubbornness right? I am one of the most stubborn people I know. But I try my best to push down that stubbornness and swallow my pride. I do think effort is important.
Heres what irritates me about stubbornness in women:
When I'm in a relationship, be it romantic or just friendship, I tend to swallow my pride often for the well being of the relationship. This doesn't mean I forget about it completely, I just swallow my pride, and then when we're both calmer I bring it up again and we continue our discussion. What bothers me is, in my experience, when a woman is stubborn she doesn't work on it.
She never ever swallows her pride, and doesn't even acknowledge that you've swallowed yours. She only has her eye on one thing, thats her thoughts, her dispositions, her outlook. She wants things her way, or no way. The worst is when a woman takes her stubbornness and adds in crying, and selfishness. That's when things really get fun. But like I said, EFFORT is very important. And if a woman actually tries to "fix" this issue, I commend her for it, and appreciate her for it.
Ignorance
Finally ignorance irritates me. I don't mean stupid people (although stupid people do annoy the shit out of me) I mean women who make themselves blind to certain things.
Ignorance irritates me and this is why:
A woman holds all power in a relationship. This is just a fact fellas, as much as we hate to admit it, facts are facts. The ignorance I'm talking about is when a woman forfeits that power, and makes herself blind to things.
Whether those things are that her boyfriend is cheating on her, treating her badly, or just a shitty person. Then when people approach her to say something, she denies it vehemently, and worse yet turns her wrath to those trying to help her. All the while ignorantly, protecting the scumbag that is her boyfriend. I've seen this happen countless times, to good people, and it irritates me to no end.
Here's a news flash ladies, If someone goes out of their way to tell you that your boyfriend is cheating on you, or what not. Take a step back, and realize that that person isn't just trying to bring drama into their lives. They didn't just wake up and say, "hmm my life is drama-free I know I'll ruin so n so's relationship today."
Accept that they are a good friend, and make sure your boyfriend is held responsible for his actions. Investigate at the very least. For God's Sake. You look so fucking stupid when you brush off countless informed messages on what your boy friend is doing behind your back, stay with him, and lose good friends in the process.
Don't be ignorant!
So these are five things that irritate me about the opposite sex. Mostly I think that all five count easily be avoided and worked on. I know that I've fallen for girls with some or even all five of these attributes.
I guess I like a challenge. :-)
Check in tomorrow for Day-6 of the challenge with its prompt-- "The person you like and why you like them."
Sunday, July 31, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-4 Something you hate about yourself.
I try to be a very positive person, and focus on the things I love about myself, and not the things I don't.
But if I had to choose one thing I hate it would probably be my extreme stubbornness.
I come from long line of stubborn people, and am pretty set in my ways. If I think and believe the sky is red, no on will convince me otherwise.
This attribute sometimes gets me in trouble, people get angry or frustrated when they are involved in an argument or discussion with me because I will not let up. This especially causes issues when I'm in a romantic relationship. Thankfully, I have tweaked and fixed how extreme my stubbornness used to be. I now know how to compromise and let things go... Sometimes...
While this attribute gets me in trouble, it also is a very viable asset. If set out to do something my stubbornness will not let me give up, or not achieve it. If I trying to solve a problem, i will not quit until I get it.
If someone tells me "You can't do that" that is usually when i try extra hard to do it.
Bottom line, I hate that I'm so stubborn, but I wouldn't necessarily change that about myself. It allows me to pursue the things others would never dare to.
But if I had to choose one thing I hate it would probably be my extreme stubbornness.
I come from long line of stubborn people, and am pretty set in my ways. If I think and believe the sky is red, no on will convince me otherwise.
This attribute sometimes gets me in trouble, people get angry or frustrated when they are involved in an argument or discussion with me because I will not let up. This especially causes issues when I'm in a romantic relationship. Thankfully, I have tweaked and fixed how extreme my stubbornness used to be. I now know how to compromise and let things go... Sometimes...
While this attribute gets me in trouble, it also is a very viable asset. If set out to do something my stubbornness will not let me give up, or not achieve it. If I trying to solve a problem, i will not quit until I get it.
If someone tells me "You can't do that" that is usually when i try extra hard to do it.
Bottom line, I hate that I'm so stubborn, but I wouldn't necessarily change that about myself. It allows me to pursue the things others would never dare to.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
30-Day Challenge-- Day-3 What kind of person attracts you?
I'm attracted to good hearted people first and foremost. I don't like shady individuals.
I'm attracted to people with great personalities, who are honest, and loyal, have a great sense of humor (ability to laugh at themselves a big plus) ambition, intelligence, opinions.
I'm attracted to people who are strong and people who fight for what they believe in. Not afraid to be vulnerable.
Morals and Values must be high on the priority list.
Physically I'm attracted to eyes. Color doesn't matter, sometimes just looking into a persons eyes allows you to see who they really are.
This has been a short blog, because I am attracted to very simple attributes. I just like GOOD PEOPLE.
Check in tomorrow for Day-4 of the challenge with its prompt-- "Something you about yourself"
I'm attracted to people with great personalities, who are honest, and loyal, have a great sense of humor (ability to laugh at themselves a big plus) ambition, intelligence, opinions.
I'm attracted to people who are strong and people who fight for what they believe in. Not afraid to be vulnerable.
Morals and Values must be high on the priority list.
Physically I'm attracted to eyes. Color doesn't matter, sometimes just looking into a persons eyes allows you to see who they really are.
This has been a short blog, because I am attracted to very simple attributes. I just like GOOD PEOPLE.
Check in tomorrow for Day-4 of the challenge with its prompt-- "Something you about yourself"
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